So back to the post...to call or not to call. I needed to get some thoughts out so I decided the blog was the best place since I can't post really long messages on Facebook (FB). Yesterday afternoon, my son returned home from school at around 5:00 p.m. and informed me that his homecoming date (a friend, not a girlfriend), had canceled their date via text message to attend the dance with another boy. Imagine my shock...and anger, when he told me this. I was livid and all he said was, "She could have done it earlier and I wouldn't have bought her the $20 ticket for admission." He said it didn't matter and he doesn't really care. That of course is a big, fat lie!
In my anger and haste, I posted this to FB and got a huge number of responses from friends. Some said to call the mother, others said to let it go. Let it go and let karma take control, let it go since it will make things worse on Tucker, let her go because her parents probably don't give a hoot, just to list a few. Everyone agreed that her behavior was tacky and she lacked any time of manners and integrity.
My first inclination was to call the parents and let them know what transpired, at least from my end. Of course, I would begin the conversation with the fact that being a parent myself, I would definitely hope that another parent would inform me if my son/daughter behaved in this fashion. I was extending this courtesy to them to inform them of the situation and they could do what they seemed appropriate. I in no way would call with "guns blazing" and an accusatory attitude. Because let's face it, I only have 50% of the information.
If I call, I do so because it is what I would want a parent to do for me. I pray that someone would inform me that my children were behaving in a hurtful, mean, spiteful way and give me the opportunity for a "teaching moment" with my child. The fact is, I've taught my children to be more respectful than that. I've taught them that when they make a commitment they follow through with it. Otherwise, they are compromising their integrity and mine as well. Why are they compromising my integrity? When you hear of a child "misbehaving", what is you first thought? Mine is...."Where are their parents?" Let's face it, we all think that. Naturally, it's the parent's that are raising the child and teaching them right from wrong. So when a child chooses what I deem to be "wrong", its probably because the parents did not teach them any better. Kids make choices all the time and many times it is the wrong choice no matter how they have been raised. That's just the nature of the beast. So which do I assume, bad parenting, bad choice?
Many people would respond with, "The parents probably don't even care!" But what if they do care? Again, face it, kids make choices all the time that have parents scratching their heads wondering where in the heck that came from. I know I do. I know that my kids know better, but still make wrong choices. So do I assume they don't care and just ignore the tacky behavior?
If I don't call, I feel I compromise my integrity by not practicing what I preach and by not standing firmly behind my values and morals. I don't want to impose my values on anyone else, but I would want someone to make sure I was being accountable.
If I do call, will she make things even more difficult on my son who already hates his school, feels he doesn't fit in and that people just don't really like him? Will that happen? I don't know. Do I take a chance on making him more miserable than he already is?
After sleeping on it and talking to a few friends, I did what any mother would do....I called my dad. His opinion is the one I value most. He said not to call. I can only say, that high school can't end soon enough for me and my son! My decision has not been made yet...I'm still pondering it.
