Friday, October 16, 2009

To call or not to call....that is the question

I don't blog much since I'm on Facebook~I don't know if that's good or bad. But here I am today...blogging. Facebook is more for little "blips" of your life. Blogging, at least for me, is more in depth information. But that's just me and how I utilize both venues.

So back to the call or not to call. I needed to get some thoughts out so I decided the blog was the best place since I can't post really long messages on Facebook (FB). Yesterday afternoon, my son returned home from school at around 5:00 p.m. and informed me that his homecoming date (a friend, not a girlfriend), had canceled their date via text message to attend the dance with another boy. Imagine my shock...and anger, when he told me this. I was livid and all he said was, "She could have done it earlier and I wouldn't have bought her the $20 ticket for admission." He said it didn't matter and he doesn't really care. That of course is a big, fat lie!

In my anger and haste, I posted this to FB and got a huge number of responses from friends. Some said to call the mother, others said to let it go. Let it go and let karma take control, let it go since it will make things worse on Tucker, let her go because her parents probably don't give a hoot, just to list a few. Everyone agreed that her behavior was tacky and she lacked any time of manners and integrity.

My first inclination was to call the parents and let them know what transpired, at least from my end. Of course, I would begin the conversation with the fact that being a parent myself, I would definitely hope that another parent would inform me if my son/daughter behaved in this fashion. I was extending this courtesy to them to inform them of the situation and they could do what they seemed appropriate. I in no way would call with "guns blazing" and an accusatory attitude. Because let's face it, I only have 50% of the information.

If I call, I do so because it is what I would want a parent to do for me. I pray that someone would inform me that my children were behaving in a hurtful, mean, spiteful way and give me the opportunity for a "teaching moment" with my child. The fact is, I've taught my children to be more respectful than that. I've taught them that when they make a commitment they follow through with it. Otherwise, they are compromising their integrity and mine as well. Why are they compromising my integrity? When you hear of a child "misbehaving", what is you first thought? Mine is...."Where are their parents?" Let's face it, we all think that. Naturally, it's the parent's that are raising the child and teaching them right from wrong. So when a child chooses what I deem to be "wrong", its probably because the parents did not teach them any better. Kids make choices all the time and many times it is the wrong choice no matter how they have been raised. That's just the nature of the beast. So which do I assume, bad parenting, bad choice?

Many people would respond with, "The parents probably don't even care!" But what if they do care? Again, face it, kids make choices all the time that have parents scratching their heads wondering where in the heck that came from. I know I do. I know that my kids know better, but still make wrong choices. So do I assume they don't care and just ignore the tacky behavior?

If I don't call, I feel I compromise my integrity by not practicing what I preach and by not standing firmly behind my values and morals. I don't want to impose my values on anyone else, but I would want someone to make sure I was being accountable.

If I do call, will she make things even more difficult on my son who already hates his school, feels he doesn't fit in and that people just don't really like him? Will that happen? I don't know. Do I take a chance on making him more miserable than he already is?

After sleeping on it and talking to a few friends, I did what any mother would do....I called my dad. His opinion is the one I value most. He said not to call. I can only say, that high school can't end soon enough for me and my son! My decision has not been made yet...I'm still pondering it.

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Lisa said...

Hey Kim, I know this time of their life can really stink. I have two in high school right now. I myself would probably call. Not to point the finger or attack. I feel like in this situation if it was reversed you would be getting a phone call from the girls parents. I have gotten calls about my oldest before. ;)
I might approach it as in you know there are two sides to every story and you are only hearing one. You would like to know why she cancelled the date. Did your son do something to upset her, or did something else better come along?
Just my two cents.

Weight Loss Journal said...

Kim, i am almost 24 years old and have a 2 and half year old son. I read blogs like yours in hopes to one day know exactly the rights and wrongs in situations like this. My thoughts are exactly like yours though. I haven't been faced with any of these situations with one own yet however i know i wouldn't just allow my son to say oh well it doesn't matter. Considering im sure my son will have worked hard for his own money and then it be wasted like that. My opinion, i think you should call and allow her parents to know how she acts when they aren't around. Best of luck :)

Daniel Kaufman said...

In my opinion, you made the right choice by not calling the other parent. It's like you said, it isn't your place to do that. What I would do in a similar situation is make sure my son understands the disrespectful nature of the manner in which she delivered that important message. I would also encourage him to separate himself from her, not pay her any attention. People get what they give. If she gives disrespect, then she doesn't get your son as a friend. Having said all this, you also have to bear in mind that how children these days communicate is entirely different than in years past. That kind of communication is considered by most youth the best way to communicate everything from the mundane to most serious.