Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Teen Angst, Toddler Turmoil, Transition Time

Summer is going by at breakneck speed...makes me a little sad. It's been an uneventful summer, which can be a good thing when you have four kids and nothing major has happened to anyone or anything. So, for that, I am very thankful!

With that, I can't say that things have been entirely smooth! Tucker seems to be suffering some teen angst. He's seventeen and going to be a Junior this year. My heart sinks a bit as I realize that he will be leaving the nest in just two short years for college. I know he'll attend college (probably West Point, if he has way) and he'll never come home. Although it is not my choice for him to go into the military, it has been his dream since he was 9 years old. I admire his high ambitions and the effort he has put forth to gain entrance into the academy. He still has a ways to go, but for his sake, I pray he gets there.

Taking time to "build" a relationship with his sisters!

But, I digress. Back to the angst...with those high ambitions, he tends to be a bit different than most teens. There are times he feels "alone" and that difference seems to be bigger than Mt. Everest. Not being invited to parties and having "texts" ignored is very painful. Those are the times when my heart breaks in two for him. We've spent several late evenings chatting this out. I see his potential and know where that potential will ultimately land him in life. I also know (from experience) that the popular crowd look somewhat different in 10/20/30 years. Unfortunately, saying that to him, today, right now when he hurts the most, doesn't make him feel a whole lot better. So, I sit and listen, hold back the tears, but on a brave face and just smile when he needs it and kiss his cheek when appropriate. He still hugs me and kisses me when he leaves the house or when I leave. Sometimes, I squeeze a little too hard or hold on a bit too long, but he indulges me and I can feel him smile when I do so. He has planned a bit of a party for Friday night, with the boys. I'm looking forward to it for him. His spirits seem to be a bit higher and he even visited some friends. So, I guess the chatting has help. I hope so!

Me and my girls....

The girls are amazing, ornery, feisty, fiery and yes, bratty! They fight and argue and play together like I had hoped they would. Elise is awesome and starting kindergarten this year. I can barely wrap my mind around that little detail for several reasons. Seems like only yesterday she was placed in my arms in the hot and humid room in Guangzhou. Then I think about me, at my age, having a child in kindergarten. I'm not looking forward to standing next to all those young mothers this fall. First one that asks me if I'm the grandmother might be making a trip to the ER! Feeling scrappy today!!!!

Millie has been home for two years and what a couple of years we have had. I look back and my head spins. Sometimes I wonder where the time has gone and then other times I wonder when the medical journey will end. But she is walking now...fifteen weeks after the hip surgery. It's not a pretty walk, but she's walking and rebuilding her strength and for that I thank the Lord!
Giggs makes me laugh...I just wish he wouldn't stick his nose up my rear end. Yeah, I know, TMI! But seriously, the dog has got to be rubbing up against someone or something all the time. I seem to be his choice, but I think that's because I'm the most convenient. He's developed a great relationship with the girls and they even "play house" with him. The poor guy ends up on a leash, being pulled around the house and locked in rooms with the crazies. But, he's good natured and indulges them. If I hear him start to whimper, I rescue him. But he rarely complains. Tuck is his favorite play toy. The noise level in the house ticked up several decibels when Tuck walks through the door. It requires some deep breathing on my part, but ultimately, makes me smile!

The worst part of the summer has been Steve's transition. He's looking for a job and we are prayerful that one is offered soon. His company is closing it's doors. I would LOVE to go into that, but it would be a bitter rant about an ego-maniac that had no business being put into the position that he was and then the idiocy of those in charge who's egos got in the way of admitting a hiring mistake. But like I said, it would just be a bitter, mindless rant ;-).

As for me....I'm looking to plan a little get away....all by myself...alone. For the first time in my life, I need some time to recharge without anyone or anything expecting something from me. It's a lot to ask for, but I'm crossing my fingers that it can happen. I want to be NO ONE for a few days. I want to sleep when I want, eat when I want and not even hear my name. It's so very selfish and there's a piece of me that feels guilty. But then there's a piece of me that's screaming to get away. I have the perfect place in mind....think spa!!!!

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